Gay vs. Straight

I am supposed to be reviewing, but I had a really curious thought come up. I have nothing at all about gay people, I love them equally as much as I would a straight person. I don't care if you are gay and what I am about to say is in no way meant to sound rude in any way so please don't take it that way.

Anyways, back to my thought. Gay people, when they "come out" being gay becomes a big part of who that person is. Some people begin to dress differently, I guess because now people know that they are gay so they feel liberated and feel no need to hide their true style. Not all gay people's style changes, but a good majority does. And I don't mean that straight people's style doesn't ever change because trust me, mine has changed many times, but I just am pointing out that it changes once they come out. Some people begin to walk different (maybe a change in confidence is why, idk, idc I am just saying). Gay people like to represent that they are gay with the rainbow flag or just wearing rainbow colors in general. I am sure there are more ways that being gay becomes a big part of who someone is, but I can't think of any other ways right now.

My thought was why does being gay become such a big part of their life? Straight people don't wear certain colors to represent they are straight and we don't really feel prideful about being straight (atleast I don't). So tell me, why does it become such an overwhelming factor of who you are (if you are gay/lesbian), please tell me because I am actually curious.

Again, I never meant anything in a mean way, I just noticed something which lead to a question that I hope you guys can answer. :)

Shouldn't knowledge come before faith rather than faith before knowledge?

I've noticed that almost anyone who believes in any kind of god had faith before they knew why. They believed blindly. They believed because it felt right or because they grew up in that religion or because they had a desire to believe in something bigger than themselves. Rarely ever do you find that someone studied science, studied nature, studied all religions, before they began to have faith. If any type of god exists shouldn't science, shouldn't math, shouldn't nature, shouldn't data, lead you to see this "fact"? What most religious people do it believe. For absolutely no reason at all. Then there is the small minority who actually research what they believe and why they believe it, but by this time it's a biased outlook on everything because that person has already established faith. If there is some god up there somewhere, then I should be led to him.

The god that I learned about, I quite honestly don't care to know. I learned that god destines some people for sin and for an enterinty to burn in hell.He destines others for "good". I learned that he created a world of sin KNOWING all his people would fall miserably far from perfect and sin. I think it's interesting that god, hating sin, would knowingly create a world or sinners. It genius idea; to create something you HATE and have to stare at what you hate most all day. I learned that god only loves the ones he destined for "good" and everyone else he doesn't care about and he's going to punish you just because he feels like it. I learned you can't choose to do anything because you have been predestined to do everything.

I don't want to know this god. If this is the great god everyone loves so much. He sounds mean and theres not much I can do about anything anyways, right?

I'm writing this mostly because I miss my best friend, Margarita, A LOT. I miss her so much. We understood everything about each other. We understood each other so well we didn't even need words to describe our feelings or thoughts to each other. We just had this really weird, but unique understanding of each other. I miss her a lot. I wish she was here.

Think about things throughly.

Every night I looked for you,
in my mind I searched,
but I did not find what I was looking for.
Instead I stumbled upon photos in the night,
those photos once live memories,
now faded by the "light".

I miss you much, my best friend.
I miss our laughs, our cries, our days.
Moments of frozen time,
will soon begin to melt,
because Summer's on it's ways.

You stood diligently by my side
day after day, year after year.
Now time has slipped between our fingertips,
and you are still not near.

I hope your life is all you've dreamt,
I hope all joy, all happiness, all love is cast,
but soon we'll become forever faded photographs,
melted memories slipped into the past.

I am so ready for this semester to be over.

I have been studying so much the past week (and even more yesterday and will be studying a whole lot today as well). I don't remember last semester's finals feeling so.... tiring. I will be so glad when it's over. I definetly need a break.

I applied for a job working in the computrer lab at school. I think it'd be perfect to work at school since they always work around your school schedule. I hope I get it. I'd really like to start saving and to start help paying for books.

I was talking to my biology Professor and she told me I should go into cellular biology, or molecular. I think that's sooo exciting! I would love to just go to work and study cells all the time and learn more about them! The cells are just so fascinating and we hardly know anything about them. It amazes me how complex our bodies are and how smart we are yet how little w know about how our own bodies do things and why the do things. Why do you look the way you look? Why do we age? Theres a lot of questions to be answered and I wouldn love to be on a team who helps to find the answers.

Margarita moved out a few days ago I believe. I don't really remember because thsi week has kind of blurred together due to all the studying. Anyways, the point is she moved out and I quite hoenstly don't really care. She has been driving me crazy anyways because of her complete lack of effort in class. I don't care if you hate math, if you make a commitment to be in a course, you do your best while your in it. You don't go to class late and then take notes when you feel like it and text in class and then go home and never attempt to do ANY of the homework. That just shows me you're lazy and I really hate it when people don't put effort into whatever they do. Don't do it if you aren't going to try!!!!!!!!!! Seriously.

So, Yeah... good for her I guess.

Anywaysss, I'm planning to work out before I go and start studying for a super long time again. I studying for 9 hours yesterday, NINE! Omgsh. Luckily, I have a really nice boyfriend who took me to Incredible Pizza and took me to see Iron Man 2 (which was really good btw) to relieve some of the stress. Well.. I actually wouldn't call me studying stressful, it's just tiring and I needed a break and Michael gave that to me.

I'm going back into orchestra for the Fall semester. I am really only going for the scholarship money. I really don't want to have to practice, but it'll be good for me. It's a good relaxer and to be able to take a break in between studying and practice a bit will be soothing... kind of, maybe.

Well, I'm going to waste more time on facebook til I go to the gym.

Bye!

Haven't written in here in a while!

I've had kind of a lot going on and my computer hasn't been working properly either so that didn't help much.

I haven't been doing anything exciting really other than hanging out with Michael. I could hang out with him all day, all the time. I wish I could. He's nice to be around.

I've been doing a lot of studying, who would have guessed?! Studystudystudy. I have to make those A's.

I'll be taking summer classes. Summer classes are kind of a bittersweet type of thing. Sweet because I get more credits over with, bitter because I have to take time from my break to do that.

I'm going to get CPR certified (BLS certified) and take a class in phlebotomy and maybe work at the hospital taking blood from people and learned things in the lab. I think it sounds really fun and I can't wait to start. It'll be kind of scary taking blood from someone at first, but I'll get used to it.

I reallllly don't have anything to write, I just saw I hadn't written and now I have. Byee!

Spring break has been a well needed break from school. I am so glad it came at the time it did. School really wears me out, but I feel restored now and will be refreshed for school on Monday, even though I don't want to go back at all.

I haven't done too much. I have been staying up late, sleeping in, hanging out with friends and Michael (a lot of Michael, but it's nice :]), reading Frankenstein, and listening to music.

I also bought some clothing. I bought some new shirts and dresses and such.

I am very ready for summer. I decided to get a job for summer and to save up money. I would like to take a trip somewhere... maybe. I need to practice my violin again. I really miss it, but I haven't taken time to pick it up and start practicing again. I also need to start exercising a bit, I have a belly and its gross.... really. I need to ATLEAST do crunches, but the best thing would be to do crunches and start running again and do leg and arm exercises, but I doubt all that will happen while school is going on. I need to find a good balance between school, staying fit, friends and family time, and me time (which would include playing violin, painting, taking pictures, being creative in some way), but it's hard to figure out the balance. I want to do so much, but I usually run out of energy or time.

Today I ate at Genghis Grill for the first time with Desiree, Kyle, George, and Stephanie. It was a lot of fun. I was a little skeptical about putting my own spices on the food and adding my own vegetables, but it turned out really good and I think I will be going there again sometime soon. Michael's cousin owns a Mediterranean restuarant. He took me there a few days ago. Mmmmm... Mediterranean food is soooo good, seriously. I love it and his cousins resturant has some very delicious food. :]

Well, I guess I don't have anything else to say.

Do you guys have any good books you'd like to reccoemend to me?

Thanks :D Bye!

This week has been very tiring, but I am very glad that the tiring part of school is over. I had to study my brains out (not literally... since I obviously had to keep them in there to pass the exam.. and to live..) for my Bio exam. It was soo much stuff to remember. Biology is a tough, tiring, tedious class. I am very happy I will NOT be taking it next semester. Anyways, I took my exam yesterday and, you know, I think I did pretty well! I can't wait to find out my grade. I hope it beats my last exam grade (which was a 93.. I think). Always score for higher! I won't know till... next week (via email) sometime. I also got my first assignment back from my Comp I teacher. I got an A :D! I didn't expect an A on my essay. Not that I didn't take my time on the essay or anything, it's just.. he seemed like a hard grader, I was getting nervous when he was telling us all about the criteria. He liked my writing :]. I haven't gotten my test results for Spanish II exam yet.. I think we find out today. I tihnk I did well on that too! Although this week was tiring, it was very good. I did well on my exams and I spent yesterday with Michael. He took me to eat. It was really nice of him :)). He's so cutee! And I am glad to be back with him. I don't think we should have ever broken up in the first place.

I am very happy that Spring Break is starting. I need a break from school... even though, I still have to do math homework, a math take-home test, annd study for the lab test, but atleast it's spring break.

It feels like summer outside, and I like it! Beach time will be soon I hope! :)

Thats all I have for now, bye!!!

I sit here
tears held in my eyes.

I contemplate the situation
I contemplate whats worth the risks.

I want to keep you here
Always in my life.

But you make my heart so nervous
You arouse my souls desire.

Afraid of jumping into things
Afraid of being hurt by you.
Afraid of letting go
Afraid of, theres just
so many fears.

The tears are building up
My heart is beating faster
My thoughts are racing.

What if I do this?
Will my heart be broken?
Will my eyes be sad
Will my life be different?

I can't handle this!
I'm terrified!
I'm--I need to rest
To close my eyes.
I need to think.

I need to hear you say
that everything is okay

I need to hear you say it
I need to know you mean it.

Just hold me close and tell me
the words I long to hear.

Just hold me close and be
be with me, by my side.


-----------

This ones under construction.

Last night was a lot of fun. I went to the movies with Stephanie, Margarita, Nick, and my brother to see the new Alice in Wonderland (which btw, is very, very good so you should definetly go see it!). Stephanie is so funny! She cracks me up! I drove her to Taca Cabanna so she could eat something. Well she's talking to the lady and I don't remember exactly what everyone was saying, but Stephanie said "Yes Ma'm, I mean Sir." And the Lady says,"No you had it right the first time, its Ma'm." Stephanie says,"Ohh. Are you sure?" (hahahahahahah I was like =O Stephanie!). Then the Lady said,"Am I sure I'm a women?... Yes." (She sounded pretty mad and I don't blame her, but poor Stephanie. I didn't even want to drive up to the window!). The Lady was pretty mad, but it was a complete accident. Stephanie speaks before she thinks sometimes. It cracked me up though!

I've got some stuff to do today. I wish I didn't have anything to do. I have to get up and stop being lazyyyy and change so I can go to la libreria and study,study,study. Maybe if I study enough--Aw man!!!!!! I just remembered I have to turn something in today! sjkfhsjdfhlsj! Mann.... Well.. anyways... maybe if I study enough I today I won't have to spend the whole night studying. I want to hang out with my boyfriendddd. :)

I don't think I wrote anythign about the concert that I went to on the 25th? Well, It was awsome!! I saw Rebelution! They were so good live! This band SOJA (Soldier of Jah Army) played before them. They were really good also. I love them actually. I got a few CD's because Nick bought one and Michael burned me one (because now he likes them haha). As you can see from the picture, I was right in front in the middle. It was great. I was pushed around a lot, girls kept thinking they were going to take my spot, but... I'm tough. :] Well, if you guys are into reggae you should totally check out Rebelution if you haven't before and should definetly check out some SOJA.

I just felt like writing an entry today. I don't have much to write about though. I guess this is my cue to get off the computer and actually get things done. :[! Bye for now!

http://www.purevolume.com/soja

http://www.purevolume.com/rebelution

It's 2AM on a Thursday morning.
I sit here calmly,
while my thoughts
scramble for an arrangment.

I search for the right words,
but the words just gush out
like liquid between my lips.

I hold myself, controlled,
I keep myself, strong,
but around you
I am weak,
around you
I am exposed.

Is this the way
it's supposed to feel?
Is this,
no.

It's just 2AM on a Thursday morning,
I'm sitting here restless,
while my thoughts
scramble for an arrangment.

I am sick of everything being piled on top of me,
I am sick of everything being thrown in my face.
I'm letting myself go,
I'm letting myself be.
I can't fit into your mold,
I can't fit into your world.
I am who I am.
And that's who I am going to be.

----------------

That basically says it.

I changed my major today. I am going to be a math major. I know you may be thinking, "Why??" Well, the reason is because I enjoy math, its challenging and I am sick adn tired of hearing about evolution everyday, all the time for being a Biology major. I don't really care anymore if you believe in evolution (although I stilllll think it's a silly, silly theory that should NOT be taught as fact). I don't really care if you believe that rock music is wrong. I don't really care if you believe that not reading your Bible everyday is wrong. I don't really care if you believe that gay marriage is wrong, or abortion is wrong (although I am personally against those, but I just honestly could care less what anyones oppinion is anymore).

We all have out own ideas of what is right and what is wrong. I still stand by certain ideas, but believe what you want. I'm sick of everything.

I am excited to be a math major though. I really do enjoy math! hahaha. That sounds nerdy... Idon'tcarethough!!!!!!!!

I am dating Michael now, mHmm. :) I missed him! So I'm glad we are dating again. No more breaking up. That's silly.

I don't have much to write about. I just wanted to express my changed attitude on things..

Bye!!

This week has been a pretty lazy week since I've been sick. I feel much better now, but I missed a whole week of school and basically just slept and watched TV everyday.

I've been trying to finish my Evidence For Christianity book (by Josh McDowell). I am almost through! It's such a big book, I've been reading it since summer!


Bible study was really good last night. It was over the occult. Things like palm readings, tarot cards, furtune telling, uhm... dream interpretating, stuff like that. I used to be way into a lot of those things before I was a Christian. I even had my own set of tarot cards that I would play with. I did the whole pendelum thing where you ask questions and it spins a certain way. I've been into interpretting dreams thinking they might tell something of the future. Yeah.. I used to be way into it. I stopped because when I became a Christian I realized it wasn't good, but I didn't really think about it in depth as to why it wasn't okay to mess with that stuff. Now I realize it is very demonic and when I mess with that stuff I am messing with the demons and things that are not of God. I don't want to do that so I won't ever do any of that again.


I never thought people could actually miss someone so much that it hurts, I thought that was always people exageratting how they feel, but I've learned it is possible to feel that way. To miss someone so much that it hurts you on the inside. On the outside I hold myself together for the most part. I don't like crying (in fact, I hatee crying) and I don't let my emotions get too in the way (mostly because I don't like other people seeing me upset, actually, I hate it when people see me all emotional too..). I believe I make myself appear okay, but sometimes my insides are so weak. I feel like breaking down and letting everything go sometimes. I know it's okay to cry and whatever... but if I don't have to let it out I don't want to. I think I try to be tougher than I actually am.

Sometimes everything appears dark and it looks as if God left you, but then His light appears in the midst of the darkness and you remember you were never alone.

Love, Cristina :]

I just want to fall,
Fall right into your arms,
Slip right into the past,
Only thing is, I don't remember how.

I can't fall back into your arms,
I forgot how to do that.
I forgot how to be with you,
I forgot who I was before all this.

You waited for me in the same place we used to sit,
Only thing is, I couldn't make my way back to you.

I tried but the universe wouldn't allow me
to slip back into the past where you were waiting for me.

The laws of physics were working against us.

So now I just keep looking ahead,
My backs to the memories we shared.

I won't look back now,
I can't look back now.
I shouldn't look back now.

But, I just want to fall,
Fall right into your arms,
Slip right down into the past,
Only thing is, I don't remember how.

This week has been a pretty good week.

I had an exam this week for biology. I won't know the results til sometimes tomorrow, but I feel I did pretty well. Not as good as I would have liked, but pretty well.

Margarita and I have been on campus evangelizing. It's definetly really cool to do. It's a neat thing to tell people that the only way to be a Christian (or go to Heavan) is by trusting Jesus Christ is your Savior. It's so simple, but not many people know that.

Margarita and I have made it a goal to tell two people in class everytime we go to class now. We've told 5 people so far. I would like to start telling people in my Biology class and my Comp I class, but I get more nevous when I am alone. I did tell people in my Spanish class though. I was scared because I didn't have Whitney or Margarita in there with me, but I did tell them.

Anyways, I have been trying sooo desperately hard to forget him, but it is impossible. I want to text him sooo badly or call him or something!!!! He hurt me though so.. it's up to him to come talk to me.

I deleted most of my music because it either reminds me of Michael....... and makes me all sad.... or it reminds me of how I used to be before I was a Christian. I don't want to be reminded of that anymore because thats not who I am anymore.

I pretty much have no music now hahaha. Oh well... I get sad all by myself thinking about Michael.. I don't need music helping me get there.

I thought I had more to say.. but I really don't. I guess this entry is kind of pointless. Oh well.

Bye!!! :)

Its a Saturday and I am still in my pajamas studying. I have a lecture test coming up on Wednesday and it's over 5 or 6 chapters. I have to do a lot of studying before the test so I can make an A.

I miss him so much! I want to just stop tihnking about him. I want to just stop tihnking about everything! But I can't. I want to talk to him or something... but I can't do that either. He did delete me so... that pretty much means don't ever talk to me. So.. I'm not.

This week has kind of been a blur. School is just... so overwhelming at times. It's not really the classes that make it seem so overwhelming.. its that I have so many classes and then on top of that I have to make sure that I am not putting school and making good grades above growing and having a relationship with God. So I have to make sure I spend more time learning about God or reading his Word or reading my Evidence for Christianity book.. or doing Bible studies, ect. It's kind of difficult keeping up with school and making a conscious effort to keep God first. I cannot wait til it is summer. Then I won't have to concentrate on school and just solely focus on God.

Rebelution is coming here the 25th. I can't wait to go. :)

It's annoyinggg. I wake up on Saturday mornings like this and I look out my window in my kitchen and I look and see how nice it is out there and I just want Michael to call me or text me to see what I'm doing. I want him to just stop by my house randomely and tell me it's not important. (The reason we aren't together). I wish it wasn't important. Why is it so important?! But.. I know he will not call.. or text... and most defeintly will not randomely show up at my house telling me it doesn't matter anymore. That's just wha I think about when I wake up and look out the window and see how nice it is. I don't know why.

skjfksijd. I need to stop this.

I guess I should probabaly get back to studying. :/

I am so sick of school.

Jesus didn't go to school.

Haha. :) Bah.

Okay, Bye!!

Its February first.

Its been almost.. wow. 5 months that I officially broke up with him. I can't believe it. It's been a long time, but I am still so attached to him.

My heart says give him everything! but my brain says that's not what's best.

School is draining.. as usual.

I finished studying for my Bio lab quiz on Wednesday. Wasn't too hard. I should do fine.

I went evangelizing a few days ago with Whitney. It was really neat. I thought it was so neat to tell others the gospel. That the only thing you have to do to get into Heavan is put your trust in Jesus as your Savior. It's so simple and so amazing! I had a good time, even if some people rejected it.. that's okay. We should all be used to rejection by now.

I can't wait for summer. I need a break.

To think i might not see those eyes, Makes it so hard not to cry, And as we say our long goodbyes, I nearly do.

I haven't written in a few days or so because I have started school. Between balancing school and studying the Bible and growing spiritually I have almost no time for anything else right now. School is very draining and I hardly sleep.

I don't allow myself to think about him too much, but I sometimes I cannot control where my thoughts wonder. I was reminding myself last night, "You spent over 18years without him in your life, you'll be fine," but you know.. it's more like encouragement to get my mind away from him. I do miss him a lot, but I know what happened was for best. I know that. It just hurts me that he chose something that will only give him temporary happiness over me.. I offered him more than that, but I always lose when I am competing with that.

The only reason I am writing this is because I was listening to some music and the lyrics really caught my ear.



"I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms."




I'll end it at that.
-Cristina

Today I went to a Pro-life silent protest. It was so amazing and encouraging to see young people, old people, black people, white and hispanic people joining all together to fight something horrible that's been taking over the lives of innocent children for about.. 30 years now.

I got there at 9ish with Margarita. We signed in and got handed some red tape that says LIFE on it. The tape was placed over our mouths as we marched like a large army toward the Planned Parenthood Center. The tape covering our mouths represented the thousands of babies who did not have a "choice" and could not speak for themselves. We spoke for them and it was awsome. :)

Everyone lined up around the building, that's 6 stories and 78,000 square feet by the way, and the 2nd largest abortion clinic in the world to date. We all joined together in prayer and in a protest, but in a very calm civilized way. There was no rioting or yelling, it was very calm and actually very quiet (considering we were all praying and had tape over our mouths haha).

It was really a great experience. I can't say that God will destroy the building or.. somehow make it not open, but I know that He can. Everything goes according to His plan, whether that's to shut it down or not, but either way He'll be praised and glorified because He knows the best plan for His people and He knows what to allow and what to not allow.

I hope that our efforts were not in vain and that something WILL happen, but I can only hope and pray. The experience of being a part of this and seeing others who believed what I believed was awsome and I will never forget it.

What is your initial oppinion of a Christian? Be honest.

I remember before I was a Christian I thought other Christians were fake, slutty, hypocrits, rude, liars--the list can go on and on. I thought they were everything they claimed they shouldn't be and in all honesty, a lot of them are. I used to think, "Why would I ever want to be a Christian? SO I could be a hypocrit like those girls who claim to be christians and get drunk and have sex with new guys every weekend? Pff. I would never do that." There were so many bad examples of people who said they were Christians around me at school.. at work.. even in the church! I was disgusted by them. I was always someone who wanted to be real, I wan't going to play around and pretend to be something I wasn't. I wasn't going to be a Christian so I could be under the same label as all those fakes.

That's what I used to think anyways.

I remember Christians would tell me, "Oh! Jesus has changed me so much! I am so different then I used to be and I know I couldn't have changed like this all on my own!"

I would think it was so silly when they said that; I thought they were lying to me, until I experienced an enormous change in my life too.

Let me paint you a picture of myself about... a year to two years ago.
(Hope my mother doesn't get mad, but here it goes).

I liked to drink, I liked to smoke weed, I liked doing drugs (not that I did a lot of them.. but what difference does it make?). I didn't care if I lied to my mom, I didn't care if I lied to my teachers. I encouraged my friends to lie to their parents so we could do what we wanted. I thought music was the most important thing, I thought it was way more important than my own family. I was into tarrot cards and getting my palm read. I was rude to people who loved me. I didn't care if I hurt your feelings or if I made you feel bad because of something I said. I was invovled in things that I should have never done. I didn't respect anyone. I was nice to people I hardly knew, but I was rude to people that were closest to me. I just didn't care. I did what I wanted and that's all that mattered to me. I disliked almost everyone and I really didn't care whether I lived or died at a time in my life.

I was really different compared to who I am today.

I started to do research on whether I believed God existed about.. 9 months ago--no, 10 months ago. I started to come to conclusions that God and Jesus could be very real. I started dating Michael. I said I was a Christian when I started dating him, but I wasn't a Christian yet, I was still doing research. Michael met the old me and thats who he liked. Over the summer I had a lot of time to do a lot of research so I started growing in faith that there really was a God. My knowledge of Him was continuing to grow everyday. I still wasn't a Christian though, even though I claimed I was. As I started learning things I thought, "Maybe I should change some things about myself because I don't feel right doing them anymore." I had that thought in my head for a while, but I would ignore it. Then I became a Christian in.. I'm guessing August or September. Now, I didn't change just dramatically over night--that's silly, but I did change a lot. I stopped doing anything illegal, I also respected my mom and family a lot more because I could see all the things I took for granted that they did for me. I guess I can't really describe to you every change that occurred from the time I slowly started realizing there was a God, but just by speaking with me, if you knew the old me, could tell that I have changed. I've been told many times that I'm a lot different than I used to be--people just get a better vibe from me.

I'm not here to say that now that I am a christian I am so perfect and angelic now, because that would be a complete lie, but I can say that I am a better person than who I used to be. The old Cristina died and the new one lives now. Maybe that sounds weird? Haha, but I am not the old me anymore, and I like that. I like the new me much better because I am much happier and even though there are a lot of fake people who claim to be Christians we shouldn't look at them and complain about how fake they are like I used to because they aren't the example (they SHOULD be, but they can disqualify themselves). Jesus Christ is our one true example of what it's like to be a Christian. He was not a hypocrit so we can learn from His perfect ways. :)

Just in case I sort of confused you about when I was saying I claimed to be a Christian but I wasn't: In order to be a Christian you have to just put your complete trust in Him that He did die on the cross to pay for all your sins (past, present, and future) and that is the only way you are saved and go to Heavan. You have to trust that it is not by the good things you do that can get you into Heavan, but just the simple faith that you put in Jesus Christ as your Savior.---I hadn't done that til September so thats why I only claimed to be a Christian.

Not all Christians are fake, but we are human too and we stumble. Just don't forget that.

You wasted time on me?
I totally wasted time on you.
How could I have ever believed that you cared about me the way you said you did.
What was I thinking.
You dissappointed me so much.

I don't care what you do.
I hope I never, ever see you.

Sincerely, Cristina

Today I hung out with someone I hadn't seen in many, many years. It was great to catch up and remember all the things we used to do and just see how we have each grown and stuff.

After that I met with my spiritual leader, her name is Whitney. We go over articles and bible studies, or I can ask her questions if I don't understand something the Bible says. She is very helpful and very smart. We went over an article today and then after I went to her apartment and ate with her and the other girls. It was nice.

Today I also remembered what someone told me a few days ago. He told me something about his health.. I guess you could say. I don't want to say much because it's personal stuff, but I really got worried when I remembered about it. I just hope he is okay, but the communication has been cut off between us. For forever probably.

School starts in a few days. :/

I don't have much else to say. I hope you guys have a good week :)

Love, Cristina

You said you wanted me, but you wanted something else.

I felt bad that we were both hurt, but now it's just me thats hurt and it's cool because I don't need you anyways.

Oh yeah, you reallllly wanted to be with me. Please, save your lies.

Don't you hate it when every day you are trying to forget but everything you do, every song you've ever listened to, every joke that made you laugh keeps bringing you back to the memory you are trying to forget?

I'm not trying to forget anyone, because I know I never will, but atleast I could think less.. but thats nearly impossible too.

This is one of two bl0gs. I figured I could make a blog that I allow most people to see. If you want to see my other blog you'll have to ask, because it's pretty personal. Only a few people have it.

Today was pretty good. I hung out with Whitney (she's my spiritual leader), Danielle (she lives with Whitney, they are both missionaries), and Margrita (my best friend :D). I had bible study later. Bible study was awsome! It's awsome when I get to learn something in greater detail. For example, I already knew God was and is powerful because.. He's God, but I guess it wasn't in perspective until the bible study today. God is enormous, I mean bigger than I could even describe and He is powerful, more powerful than I could really begin to imagine. I really enjoy learning new things about God.

The past week has been a bit difficult. I messed up by talking to someone I shouldn't have. It wasn't really that I shouldn't have talked to that person, it's just that so many feelings and emotions are attached to that person and they all come spilling out when I am around that person, but things just can't be the way that person and I would like them to be. I wish they could and I wish that person could just jump into my brain so that person could understand me completely, but I am dumb. I should have never talked to them because I only made things worse on that person and me. And I only reminded myself of how much I ajshdjkashdas him...

School starts up in a little over a week. It's a bittersweet thing. I want school to start because I am excited for Spanish II and Bio I, and my sleeping schedule is reallllly off, but I don't want it to start because that means lots of studying again, and lots of staying at the school for 29374209 hours a day. Well.. thats kind of an exaggeration, but thats what it feels like.

Margarita should be moving in... I don't know when though.

2010 will be a good, good year. It will have it's struggles, but it will be good.
I can't wait :)

Alright, thats it. Bye!!

P.S. Those lyrics on my profile in my about really speak what I wanted to say. Not that you would care, but... yeah..